Farce Comedy
by liedre
Summary: Oneshot: Akari lets go. "It’s like she’s been standing on the edge of a cliff with him all these years. Dizzied by the wind, dazed by the sun, she had closed her eyes and held his hand so that she wouldn’t fall. They aren't in perfect harmony anymore."


Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no Go.

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Farce Comedy

Akari is twenty five years old when she marries Hikaru. The wedding is like the one she's always dreamed of. She's wearing the white dress with the exotic white pearls embedded in it, and her veiled hair is styled in an intricate French braid. She's so dizzied by her pounding heart that she isn't even mad anymore that Hikaru had insisted that Touya Akira be the best man instead of Mitani. In the back of her mind, she knows that her honeymoon will be cut short because of Hikaru's title match with Touya. She doesn't know which title it is, but she's happy.

Akari is twenty seven years old when she's rushed to the hospital after collapsing outside her house. An unnamed paramedic holds her hand in the ambulance when contractions tear through her body. She calls him "Hikaru" and whispers the name like a prayer.

Hikaru suggests that they name their baby girl 'Akemi', and brightly says that it sounds like 'Akari'. The name bothers Akari, but she isn't exactly sure why. She ignores the feeling of apprehension that knots in her stomach, ignores her instincts that have yet to fail her.

On the fifth of May, the girl says her first word, and Akari feels sick to her stomach. Akemi's lips pout delicately as she utters, "go". It's at that moment when Akari realizes that 'Akemi' sounds too much like 'Akira'.

Akari wonders if she should stop her daughter from playing Go before she becomes obsessed like her father, but she never says a word. By the time Akemi is ten years old, she plays her father with a five stone handicap. When Hikaru takes Akemi to the Go Institute every Sunday, Akari slips into the bedroom that she shares with Hikaru and kneels by the goban that is placed ceremoniously in the center of the room. She buries her fingers into the cool stones of the goke and resigns that she doesn't stand a chance against Hikaru with a five stone handicap. For the first time, the idea of divorce flits across her mind.

When she's forty years old, Akari finds the courage to tell Hikaru. Akemi is in school, and Hikaru doesn't have a game today, but he's planning to meet Touya at the go salon.

"I'm thinking about getting a divorce," she whispers so quietly that he barely catches the words.

When Hikaru's eyes meet hers, she sees pain, she sees denial.

"I love you," she says in a cracked voice, and she did love him, she does, she will.

"We've been together for fifteen years," he says, and the broken trust in his eyes rends her heart in ways she's never imagined although she had replayed variations of this very scene over and over again in her head.

"For you," she says, and the tears start to fall, stinging her cheeks. "It's been twenty five years for me…maybe more. I've lost count." And the thing is she lost count years ago. The first time it happened, she defied the inevitable tragedy. She relented the second time it happened, and wished that she could sleep for a thousand years or simply not exist at all. Now, it's all just a farce comedy.

"We can work this out," he says, his voice rising with desperation.

"You'll be late for your game with Touya." There's no hatred, no accusation in her words. There's only acceptance, and that's all that's ever been.

"I don't care! Forget Touya. He doesn't matter. You're the most important one to me right now."

_Right now. _

He's looking at her right now like she's the only person in the world.

There's warmth for her alone.

But it's not enough.

She wonders when it was that she became so selfish.

"You will find the Hand of God. You will have Touya Akira…but you won't have- "

He suddenly embraces her, crushing her body to his as if to deny her the breath to continue.

"I'm losing you, too, aren't I?"

They were so perfectly in sync when they were younger. His determination and her acceptance—she wonders who had stumbled and when. It's like she's been standing on the edge of a cliff with him all these years. Dizzied by the wind, dazed by the sun, she had closed her eyes and held his hand so that she wouldn't fall. They aren't in perfect harmony anymore, and Akari can't understand the anguish that now colors Hikaru's voice. Then again, she isn't Touya Akira.


End file.
